Having self-doubt, questioning yourself, feeling a lack of confidence…. I’m sure we can all identify with bouts of feeling insecure. This could be something very minor like whether your top matches your shoes or something major like whether your spouse is cheating because you aren’t “good enough”. This negative thinking can be debilitating and certainly impedes on the journey of becoming the best versions of ourselves. But it’s natural to feel this way from time to time. We just need to reel it in and know how to move forward because these feelings don’t validate truths.
It’s human nature to worry about what other people think about us. As a business owner, I constantly am under public watch and have to remind myself that as long as I can go home and say that I gave it 100% today, then that’s the best I can do. We live in a culture that seeks approval. Meaning, recognition gives us value.
It takes courage to face what we are insecure about. Can you relate to one of the following reasons you might have felt insecure?
1. Criticisms: If a parent or other relatives criticized us while we were growing up, or if we were bullied, we’ve probably internalized these remarks. We have to make them past-tense, understand that we are all opinionated but don’t give validity to perceptions.
2. Needing to feel approval: As humans, we want to be wanted. This can be in relationships, at work, or even by our own pet. We give certain people more power than others in terms of their approval of us. Find comfort in knowing that your allies love you every second and always approve of your presence in their life.
3. Negative self & body image: When people criticize you over the years, you start to criticize yourself. All this criticism, along with unfavorable comparisons of yourself to others, results in a self-image that isn’t so great. Your reflection in the mirror can dictate your entire day, but always know that your heart, soul, and moral character are the real winners.
4. Images we see in social media & the media. We compare ourselves. We pick ourselves apart as we look at visuals that may be distorted. In our head, what we see and read online or watch on T.V. is somehow academically researched based and proven no matter where it came from. We have to start considering our sources.
5. Lack of trust. We learn not to trust other people to stick with us, to accept us, to see our side of things as understandable. We isolate as a result and feel a looming sense of temporary in our life thinking this won’t last forever. We become self-destructive thinking nothing good can ever happen to us. That is wrong. We deserve good.
6. Not accepting things about ourselves. We only have control of what we have control of. Somehow not having the cards stacked our way, we resort to giving up or stopping. We can find another route. When plan A doesn’t work, there are 25 others letters to pick from.
7. Trauma/PTSD: Life can prevent dramatic circumstances that challenge our every emotion physically and mentally. We have to make events PTG’s, post-traumatic gifts because we have become who we are as a result of them but they don’t define us. We are resilient creatures that can endure. The sun will always come out tomorrow.
We have to forgive the past, know that the media is not 100% real, trust our intuitions, stop comparing ourselves, and accept ourselves. Certainly easier said than done, but taking these thoughts and practicing them in good faith can lead to better outcomes. After all, those who judge you are only there in your life for a moment, so move forward without them. Thrive on the certain aspects in your life that you don’t doubt or question one bit and let go of elements that transpire feelings of insecurity in your life.